If the International Cricket Council (ICC) were to institute a doctorate degree for cricket system demolition and team disintegration, Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) chairman Ijaz Butt and his close buddy and manager of the Pakistan team Yawar Saeed will undoubtedly be the first recipients of this unique honour. Some of the highlights of the script of their great thesis and work of research will read as under:
1: Sack a highly successful captain after one defeat – Shoaib Malik.
2: Replace the sacked captain with an individual known for his temperamental nature and egoistic psyche – Younus Khan.
3: At a time when foreign teams are reluctant to tour Pakistan because of security reasons and one particular team undertakes a tour against all odds, do not make sure that security arrangements committed to them are in place – attack on Sri Lanka team which caused injuries to the players and resulted in death of 8 persons. Behave as if nothing has happened and when the ICC match referee who escaped death during this attack talks about the incident, you publicly snub him.
4: The first requirement after this tragedy should have been to go to Sri Lanka and express public sorrow over this tragedy with some compensation for players but this is beyond the PCB officials who are more interested in their own foreign travels and the huge daily allowances that they earn. Example Ijaz’s numerous trips at PCB expense including the latest summer stay in England. Reportedly, he received $48000 as daily allowance during one year alone.
5: Do not bother about completing the basic formality of sending a formal report to the games governing body on this tragic incident despite four reminders and when this requirement is made public, immediately announce that the report has been sent to the sports ministry but they have not returned it or approved it, a statement immediately denied by the ministry in a curt clarification – lying blatantly is the best policy.
6: After turmoil within the Pakistan team, sack Younus as captain and appoint Mohammad Yousaf as captain for the Australian tour without any leadership ability ensuring more trouble within the team – well planned disaster which befell Pakistan team during the Australian tour.
6: Keep sacking captains but do not touch the manager who was responsible for team unity and discipline during the series in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) because he is a close buddy of the boss. The manager then says he is not available for any future assignments but is then back as manager for the English tour with greater powers and as adviser in chief – do not touch personal buddies such as Yawar.
7: Appoint a player as Pakistan captain for the English tour who has not played Test cricket for nearly five years. After the first Test in England he resigns without consulting anybody saying he is mentally and physically unfit for Test cricket but would still like to continue in the shorter version of the game! Which other country in the world would appoint a ‘cheat’ as a captain! Remember he was seen by the whole world biting the cricket ball which he acknowledged was an act of cheating and was banned by the ICC for two matches. Honour a player with leadership after this unforgivable crime!
8: Place a ban and impose fine on three successive national captains and then remove these penalties unilaterally to make the country a laughing stock in the entire cricketing world making people like Ricky Ponting say that ‘nothing about Pakistan cricket surprises us.’
9: Interfere repeatedly in team selection and other team related matters to ensure that the team does not settle down.
10: Announce a hefty cash award for the team, all accompanying officials and then show a clenched fist to the world as if the world has been conquered. The fielding coach is also recipient of this award at a time when the team is dropping an average of six to seven catches in every game.
11: Appoint a player as a national coach who is not even living in Pakistan and is settled in Australia.
12: Completely ignore your responsibility as president of the Asian Cricket Council (ACC). Your priorities should include attending a dinner in the Presidency instead of chairing the annual general meeting of ACC, the most important event in the annual calendar of the ACC. While other countries have greatly benefited from this opportunity by getting their people in the paid secretariat of the organiaation, you should feel honoured by having just one development officer who migrated to Canada. This virtue is called bigheartedness at the expense of national interest.
13: Build a protective wall of big cricket names around you by employing them and when you find that they have superior cricket wisdom, greater integrity and self respect, get rid of them one by one.
14: Insult media, Senators, MNAs and PCB staff to show your strength and prove that you are not accountable to anybody because you have been appointed the by the big boss.
15: Make commitments at international level and then go back on them without any remorse.
The thesis had many other highlights. However, the committee constituted to examine this doctorate thesis had unanimously decided that all highlights of the script had been conclusively proved by two gentlemen, Ijaz and Yawar should be immediately awarded Ph.D degrees in a special ceremony attended by all the leading cricket administrators and eminent personalities of the sports world. An extremely impressive ceremony was arranged for this occasion. When Ijaz, clad in an embroidered gown and a hooded cap, walked up to receive this honour, an eminent cricket administrator sitting in the front row stood up and started shouting ‘buffoon, buffoon.’ Another administrator was in the process of taking off his shoes to throw at Ijaz when he was removed by security personnel. I think they were jealous of Ijaz’s extraordinary cricket achievements that have brought so much honour to this flood ravaged country.
1: Sack a highly successful captain after one defeat – Shoaib Malik.
2: Replace the sacked captain with an individual known for his temperamental nature and egoistic psyche – Younus Khan.
3: At a time when foreign teams are reluctant to tour Pakistan because of security reasons and one particular team undertakes a tour against all odds, do not make sure that security arrangements committed to them are in place – attack on Sri Lanka team which caused injuries to the players and resulted in death of 8 persons. Behave as if nothing has happened and when the ICC match referee who escaped death during this attack talks about the incident, you publicly snub him.
4: The first requirement after this tragedy should have been to go to Sri Lanka and express public sorrow over this tragedy with some compensation for players but this is beyond the PCB officials who are more interested in their own foreign travels and the huge daily allowances that they earn. Example Ijaz’s numerous trips at PCB expense including the latest summer stay in England. Reportedly, he received $48000 as daily allowance during one year alone.
5: Do not bother about completing the basic formality of sending a formal report to the games governing body on this tragic incident despite four reminders and when this requirement is made public, immediately announce that the report has been sent to the sports ministry but they have not returned it or approved it, a statement immediately denied by the ministry in a curt clarification – lying blatantly is the best policy.
6: After turmoil within the Pakistan team, sack Younus as captain and appoint Mohammad Yousaf as captain for the Australian tour without any leadership ability ensuring more trouble within the team – well planned disaster which befell Pakistan team during the Australian tour.
6: Keep sacking captains but do not touch the manager who was responsible for team unity and discipline during the series in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) because he is a close buddy of the boss. The manager then says he is not available for any future assignments but is then back as manager for the English tour with greater powers and as adviser in chief – do not touch personal buddies such as Yawar.
7: Appoint a player as Pakistan captain for the English tour who has not played Test cricket for nearly five years. After the first Test in England he resigns without consulting anybody saying he is mentally and physically unfit for Test cricket but would still like to continue in the shorter version of the game! Which other country in the world would appoint a ‘cheat’ as a captain! Remember he was seen by the whole world biting the cricket ball which he acknowledged was an act of cheating and was banned by the ICC for two matches. Honour a player with leadership after this unforgivable crime!
8: Place a ban and impose fine on three successive national captains and then remove these penalties unilaterally to make the country a laughing stock in the entire cricketing world making people like Ricky Ponting say that ‘nothing about Pakistan cricket surprises us.’
9: Interfere repeatedly in team selection and other team related matters to ensure that the team does not settle down.
10: Announce a hefty cash award for the team, all accompanying officials and then show a clenched fist to the world as if the world has been conquered. The fielding coach is also recipient of this award at a time when the team is dropping an average of six to seven catches in every game.
11: Appoint a player as a national coach who is not even living in Pakistan and is settled in Australia.
12: Completely ignore your responsibility as president of the Asian Cricket Council (ACC). Your priorities should include attending a dinner in the Presidency instead of chairing the annual general meeting of ACC, the most important event in the annual calendar of the ACC. While other countries have greatly benefited from this opportunity by getting their people in the paid secretariat of the organiaation, you should feel honoured by having just one development officer who migrated to Canada. This virtue is called bigheartedness at the expense of national interest.
13: Build a protective wall of big cricket names around you by employing them and when you find that they have superior cricket wisdom, greater integrity and self respect, get rid of them one by one.
14: Insult media, Senators, MNAs and PCB staff to show your strength and prove that you are not accountable to anybody because you have been appointed the by the big boss.
15: Make commitments at international level and then go back on them without any remorse.
The thesis had many other highlights. However, the committee constituted to examine this doctorate thesis had unanimously decided that all highlights of the script had been conclusively proved by two gentlemen, Ijaz and Yawar should be immediately awarded Ph.D degrees in a special ceremony attended by all the leading cricket administrators and eminent personalities of the sports world. An extremely impressive ceremony was arranged for this occasion. When Ijaz, clad in an embroidered gown and a hooded cap, walked up to receive this honour, an eminent cricket administrator sitting in the front row stood up and started shouting ‘buffoon, buffoon.’ Another administrator was in the process of taking off his shoes to throw at Ijaz when he was removed by security personnel. I think they were jealous of Ijaz’s extraordinary cricket achievements that have brought so much honour to this flood ravaged country.
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